So my fuckin' upstairs neighbors...

Are goddamn maniacs! They are nearing senior citizenship and really losing their marbles. I leave my golf bag downstairs in the hallway. If you were 500 fuckin' pounds you could get through quite easily. However, the bag has suddenly annoyed them after it being there for over 13 months. On our ground floor there is a little hallway area, then a small flight of stairs (about 5), then a landing large enough for a bicycle, then a flight of stairs (about 25) up to our landing. These fuckin' maniacs have been moving my golf bag from the bottom-most hallway to the first landing of the steps!!! Why? Because they are old crabby bastards with nothin' but time on their hands.

My landlord, Vinny (he is the most Italian mob lookin' guy you could imagine) is actually a cool dude. I called him in to see the offending golf bag and he almost lost his fuckin' cookies at how nonsensical the upstairs maniacs were being. He agreed they should be hung from poles by their toes and said I could keep the bag in its place downstairs. I was elated :)

My wife wrote a letter to them maniacs and I posted it on the GOLF BAG.

Here is the letter now:


January 6, 2005

Mr. & Mrs. Small,

We just spoke to Vinny this evening and showed him the golf bag in the hallway. He finds NO problem with the situation. In addition, on the very rare occasion that my bicycle is by the door, it is only because I cannot carry it upstairs alone and await my husbands' assistance. Vinny understands this situation as well. So, in light of the support of our mutual landlord, we ask that you please refrain from moving the golf bag and from ringing our bell at 6:45am. If you require further substantiation regarding this matter, feel free to speak to Vinny.

Thank you very much for your cooperation!

-Mr. & Mrs. Us (that's us)