Here is 1 way to go out!

Cant make this shit up :)

Honey Smacks for Breakfast are very TOUGH to get down

At a pace where you can successfully eat them without "the major uncomfortable SOG"

Not much worse then soggy honey smacks.

And, any single disruption whilst eating the bowl of honey smacks induces soggyness.

Which, in turn makes for a poor bfast experience.

It is over now.

Cannot eat them again during this sitting.

Not enough milk left to pour fresh honey smacks for that just poured crunchy.

Only thing left would be "the major uncomfortable SOG."

Can't wait for lunch!

I have recently become an ATV enthusiast! Man does it rock!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyone ever gone?

Anyone know where to ride in NJ?

Lemmmmmmmmme know.

Now more smack :) with wings!

:)

Just launched the new portfolio. Some truly amazing work.

Web Design, Flash Animation madness :D

Going to Fenway Park on Saturday to see the Yanks rip the Socks up!

WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Manny and Edgar. Quality.

This is some excellent graphical work :D

Man I cannot stand Manny Ramirez

Today is a big day. Today we get toilet!

No more running down 3 flights of stairs for the "must urination calling" when you first awaken in the morning. I have tried to work a method in the last 3-4 weeks that can prolong the need to urinate immediately upon opening my eyes but alas, it is simply not possible without the obscene burning feeling that does not end its torture on the urethra until it spews the liquid.

Needless to say we are excited.

I just bought 120 of the best episodes of WOODY WOODPECKER on DVD via eBay!

See, now this is what I am talking about. It's all about finding a deal like this (assuming it's legit). Someone spent the time to burn these episodes to DVD or transferred them from VHS or TV to DVD. GOD BLESS THEM! I hope the quality is good enough to observe the quality visual and hi-jinx that is Woody and his friends like Chilly Willy the penguin and that zany crocodile (along the river nile, I guess their always warm as toast they always seem to smile!)

I just posted on a blog that Larry David posted on!

Hopefully one day I will meet the older version of myself. Would give my right nipple, my left knee and my upper lip to be an extra on CYE!

Holy shit life is busy!

Since we moved in every aspect of shit has been non stop busy. I am hoping we can have the bathroom upstairs finished by this coming Friday.

the kitchen cabinets will be here tomorrow but will have to sit in the garage until everything else is done.

we gotta buy the kitchen floor tile tonight or tomorrow as well.

work is booming as well.

fun but chaotic to juggle all but hopefully in about 1 month everything will be settled and the new site will be online.

then we can rock it out for the rest of the year.

oyveighzmir

Almost 10,000 hits to my blog. SO I AM BACK INTO IT!

So the bathroom tub is in. We now have lived in Cranford, NJ for 1 week and I must say it is such an amazing place. People are so nice and caring about their area and houses. If anyone seeing this lives near or in NYC and never heard of Cranford, NJ it should be checked out. It is one of the few places left that you can still get a decent size piece of the earth for less then $500,000 near nyc. My wife says she has been getting into NYC in 40 mins door to door. That is rockin!!!!!!

Today we are awaiting the toilet delivery along with the stove, microwave and the vanity for the bathroom. I think that is the last major purchase for awhile. Unless we get the corvette or piano soon!

So now we are GUT RENOVATING the bathroom AND kitchen

An old friend of mine is a contractor so with his uncle who is a master plumber and electrician, they are gutting both rooms. Basically, we are doing it because he is hooking us up with a sick deal!!!

Will show some photos before and after asap........

YEEEHAWWW.

Got the jetted tub i wanted too!!! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Get keys May 10! YIPPPPPPPIE!

Oy vey with the fingah' I'm a little vaclempt!

I will never think about Wendy's the same again.

Shitty pan posting via Craigslist!

So I have this really shitty pan. It's a 12" saute/saucepan. It does cook food, in the sense that it gets hot and stuff, but that's about the best I can say for it. It's old, ineffectual, and well, shitty. I upgraded to a new pan, but I have real issues surrounding throwing things away, so if your personal needs call for a shitty pan, then you can have it.

Reasons you might need this pan:

-You are a conceptual artist in the process of making a new crap sculpture.

-You wish to become a pan-wielding subway vigilante.

-You work in the pan-technology industry, and wish to learn from the mistakes of the past in your quest to build the Pan Of The Future.

-You need a vessel in which to set something on fire.

-You want to cook dinner for someone you really hate.

Frankly, I don't care what you do with it, as long as you get it out of my house. It brings back memories of a thousand ruined dinners, and, frankly, I'm bitter. So if you want a shitty pan, it's yours. My schedule is open and getting rid of this pan is a priority.

Lid included.

Space, the final frontier! Must be nice to have billions and take over towns for space projects.

I should start a collection in which everyone donates at least $1.00 to the MindSmack SPACE Program. Maybe I can buy a slab of land in some desolate region and create the first Mindsmack SPACE Program or (MSP).

Who wants to give me $1.00 or more for this project?

It would go into an interest bearing account that would only be used to buy desolate land in an obscure region.

American Idol or McDonald's Slogan?

ONLY THING WORSE THEN "SEACREAST OUT" is "IM LOVIN IT"

who agrees???

both induce nausea...but SEACREST OUT is truely vomitous.

Look at this nonsense!

Anyone bidding?

:)

WE GOT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YEEEHAWWWWWW!!!!!!! So fucking excited!!!!!!!

Went down to the wire with attorney review...Our fax went through with all of the proper signatures and then the other brokers had 2 offers ready to show the sellers. Legally, they werent able to see the offers because attorney review had ended. so in essence, we got very lucky that no bidding war took place. I have learned a shitload in the past 7 days. On top of work being truly insane with projects, it has been a maddening but great year so far.

If the house inspection goes well on Monday we would be set to move in May 10, 2005.

YIPPIE KIE YO KIE YEAAAAAA MUTHA FUCKKKKKKKKAZZZ!!!!

Just put a bid on a house in Cranford, NJ!

I hope it goes through...the place rocks...If we get it ill post photos :)

YEEHAW!!!

Anyone else ever eat these chips?

MAN THEY ARE THE BEST CHIP - SOUR CREAM CHARLES CHIPS!

What is your favorite snacking item?

How cool would it be to uncover new life forms :) Anyone ever get abducted before? tell me about your experience!

They should make a FRED DRYER as "Hunter" Pez Dispenser!

I cannot believe there is a Fred Dryer dot com.

Damn Parker Lewis Can't Lose not coming to DVD yet!

Maybe eBay has a CORIN NEMEC Pez dispenser for Bill?

I love the internet.

Been incredibly bizzy with obscene amount of work BUT read this:

Inventor preserves self to witness immortality!

Went to a birthday party for my cousin last night in NYC and let me tell you about the FUCKIN' parking situation!

Holy Christ!

I got from my apartment in Brooklyn to 42nd street NYC in about 15 minutes by car, which ROCKED! I was excited...then, it took me 20 minutes to get from 42nd street to 46th st and 6th ave! Then, I got a great spot right across the street from the VIA BRAZIL restaurant (my destination). I got excited again...Then I realized the fucking meter there only takes quarters or golden dollars! I began fumbling through the car crevices and came up with 3 quarters, 18 dimes, 6 nickels and 41 wrappers of some kind. This left me in quite the pickle!

So, I put the 3 quarters into the muni-meter and was fucking AGOG when i saw it got me a whopping 12 minutes of time!

So, I went into POPEYES chicken and they said "NO QUARTERS UNLESS YOU BUY SOMETHING"

So, I stormed out of there very angerly and went next door to Burger King. The dickhead cashier said "No" but i saw the manager sitting at a table so I asked "Freddy" if his fast food establishment could spare a few bucks in quarters and he said "No."

The PRICK!!!!!

So, I went into 3 other places and was starting to panic because I was into the eleventh minute!

NO FUCKING LUCK!!!!!

So, I went into the VIA BRAZIL restaurant where I explained the situation and they forked over $5 in quarters!

I rushed out to see if I was ticketed yet, and luckily was not.

Put the $5 into the MUNI METER and bought myself about an hour worth of parking time.

YEEHAW!

I had to go out to the meter 2 other times to feed it.

Goddamn NYC parking!

I guess it is cheaper then a lot for $30 per hour.

I am seriously considering starting another business in which I carry rolls of quarters worth $10 and sell it to people who are fucked on NYC streets trying to park for $20!

A golden dollar would sell for $2.



Etc..

1 <3 NYC

:)

I fuckin' hate it when ya walk past a person and ya get their fuckin' stank ass downwind aroma..

This happens pretty much any time ya go outside. I walked past this guy and knew he would be stank so I tried quickly to avoid walking within a 6 foot radius of his person...it didn't fuckin' work!

GODDAMN THESE KINDS OF PEOPLE!

take a shower!

then there are those who wear the 2-3 gallons of perfume or cologne!

they are just as bad.

we, as citizens should be able to arrests these people.

there should be stank ass holding cells underground in neighborhoods where these people have to suffer for maybe 15 minutes for first offenses!

thoughts?

goddamnit!

This boy scout called the right company about popcorn!

So I saw a commercial that blockbuster video is offering a better deal the NetFlix...

So I signed up and now have 58 movies in my queue. I got Ray in the mail yesterday and was all excited to watch it last night. The goddamn numbskulls sent me the BONUS 2nd disc DVD instead of the movie itself! What goddamn numbskulls! Luckily this is free for 2 weeks :)

MISTER ROPER or MISTER FURLEY?

Who is your favorite? And why?



OR



:)

The THOR episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm was just on. So fuckin' hilarious!

The part where he has to change his own tire is just BADASS funny :)

GO WATCH IT GODDAMNIT!

Anyone else ever had the back trauma and had to sneeze?

Then you sneeze but try as much as possible to NOT move a muscle during your sneeze to ensure the least amount of pain in your trauam'ed back?

IT DOESNT WORK WELL!

Damn back.

Ever sleep funny on your back and wake up with a strained muscle?

So much for golf today :(

I was pain free for a long time. Started taking it for granted. I gotta go back to the gym and get a 6 pack! Back into weekly sports and the like :)

Starting after my back feels better I will be going to the gym again/racquetball/basketball/tennis and mild weights.

If only i didnt have to drive 30 fuckin' minutes to workout/play racquetball.

OPEN A GODDAMNN INDOOR COMPLEX around my corner and I would be Hercules.

FUCK IT - only live once. I shall do it.

You gotta love when anything happens for the first time (to our knowledge) in our solar system.

A new set of infrared images suggests a warm "polar vortex" at Saturn's south pole... The first warm polar cap ever to be discovered in the solar system!

Anyone ever see a shooting star or comet?

Let me know about any cool experiences like that.

Anyone ever see an Oblong Pheasant With Unkept Cuticles?

Hortimer deserves pie for struggle!

This is another site I work on :) It has not been updated in WAY TOO LONG, but for now click on the link and see if you can get through the obscene maze of photographs without making a mistake! It can be done...

(Run on sentence, for no particular reason)- Then go and click on other nonsense around the SAM AND BILL ARE HOT MALE MODELS site and read and laugh and cry and smile and dance and then pass it all along to your friends and then go buy something in both stores because we, like Hortimer, deserve pie for STRUGGLE!

Sam and Bill - Hot Male Models! DAAT CAHM!

The best show of all time in my opinion is M*A*S*H followed by Curb Your Enthusiasm.

The M*A*SH "DREAM" episode was just on. This is the one where everyone in the camp has obscure dream sequences after 3 days straight in the operating room without sleep. Hawkeye's dream was such a truly great segment in television history. (If you do not know the episode here is a synopsis of his dream:

Hawkeye dreams he fell asleep in a medical school class and missed what the professor was lecturing about, which was reattaching a limb.

He then is asked by the professor to remove his right arm. Charles (Emerson Winchester the Third), who is the only other person in the class removes Hawkeye's right arm with a twist and a pull.

Then the professor asks Hawkeye if he knows how to do the procedure again (in the background you see a soldier who needs his arm reattached) and a very distressed Hawkeye states that he was sleeping and cannot do the operation successfully.

The professor then asks Hawkeye for his left arm by saying "your left arm please."

Hawkeye twists and pulls on his own left arm and gives it to the professor. The professor then tosses the arm (visually you see a prosthetic arm) into a swampy lake that is full of other arms and legs of soldiers who supposedly needed their limb reattached.

Hawkeye is then seen floating in a canoe, armless and with no paddles, bumping into all of the arms and legs and dripping with sweat.

He then sees a young South Korean child that is wounded but he cannot stop the boat or help her because he has no arms.

He screams.

Then awakes and hears choppers coming with yet more wounded.

What an amazing piece of television :)



What is your favorite TV show of all time? Name 2 or 3 if ya like :)

I will probably blog alot more about Curb Your Enthusiasm once the new season launches! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!

If you were stranded on an island, what 3 things would you want with you?

I have had many dreams about being in this situation. The people who were saved today brought it up in my mind again. Ironically, last night before I feel asleep the Bugs Bunny cartoon was on entitled "Wai-ki-ki Wabbit." This is the episode where Bugs winds up on a desserted island with 1 really fat guy and 1 really skinny guy. It is quality.

I wonder how many people are stranded on a desert island right at this very moment?

Breaking news from CNN!

So awesome that these people made it! 38 days later :)

You just can't make this shit up!

A London artist who collected mucus from his nose for two years and displayed the resulting ball of snot at four separate art exhibitions is now ready to part with his prized possession -- to the tune of roughly $20,000.

James Robert Ford's brussels sprout-sized "Bogey Ball" now rests in a glass case on a shelf in his apartment, but he is seeking an art collector to take possession of it.

He wants no less than 10,000 British pounds for the mucus blob, explaining that each booger is a part of his body and it would be impossible for anyone to replicate.

In Ford's words, "It's a physical record of all the different places I have been and people I've met."

So far, the artist has only received offers in the 100-to-500-pound range, but he says his snot is worth much more than that.

His desired price breaks down to roughly 10 pounds per piece of mucus -- or about $18 U.S.

How does Ford feel about parting with his notorious piece of art? He says, "It will be hard to let go, but at the same time, it's hard not to have any money."

He should sell the fucking thing on eBay!

At the moment im eating frosted strawberry pop tarts and listening to doo wop music.

For some reason doo wop music makes me want to eat pop tarts.

What are your top 5 favorite songs of all time?

And what do you like to eat while you listen?

If you have recently heard an amazing song let me know about it, I need to hear some new badass shit, if ya know what I mean.

There are few songs that are better then the ROYAL MOUNTED CANADIAN YAKSMEN from Ren and Stimpy. (The link will open up a real player audio file).

It is a cartoon favorite of mine. I am proud of that :) Listen and love!

What is your favorite cartoon song?

JOY!

Anonymous blog posting idiots.

I love the idea of anyone who wants to post without registering or mentioning who they are (if I know them)they are permitted... BUT some people are just truly insane with their comments. This one person has been posting up about racist nonsense, another person enjoys posting negative bull shit. Why do these people stoop to these levels?

Anyone need some adult feet pajamas?

For that adult regressive phaze?

I cannot imagine slipping into a pair of these babies and thinking, NOW I can sleep in comfort!

Anyone have a pair? Tell me about it, please, for the love of God, EXPLAIN YOURSELF.

In a Gossamer from Bugs Bunny cartoons voice. (If you do not know who Gossamer is please click here.) I'm badly in need of a manicure!

Oy Veigh.

This is how we answer the door in my neighborhood boys and girls: WHO IZZZIT?

Living in NYC and running an Internet business, this is such an interesting visual to me...

January 31, 2005 -(Milk, LA) — Beginning today, people in the town of Mink, Louisiana, will know the pleasure of a phone call or the frustration of a busy signal.

Mink was one of the last rural areas of the U.S. without regular phone service. BellSouth has spent $700,000, or about $47,000 per phone, to extend 30 miles of cable through thick forests to Mink.

Taxpayers will pick up some of the tab, with a levy on their phone bills statewide. There's going to be a fish-fry (YEE HAW) in Mink to celebrate today.

Who knows, maybe the dinner will be interrupted by a call from a telemarketer.

Anyone ever meet someone who looks like a muppet or cartoon character?

I met a guy the other day who looked exactly like BEEKER! It was really funny to associate a human with a muppet.

Man, is this a rocking animated gif or what...

Sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes ya don't.

Drink timing and debating if I need yet another sip or not.

So I have realized that I have an amazing sense for drink timing.

How do you handle this situation?

FYI - Drink timing is when you are out at a restaurant and you order, say a soda pop.

Then, after the appetizer you have about half of the drink left. Do you then finish off that first drink and order a second drink?...

OR

Do you wait it out and keep the first drink still fizzy and fresh for as long as you possibly can before the need arises to order up that second drink?

I am the type who will hold out and see if I can get one entire drink into a single meal. Like at lunch today, my last bite coincided with my last few sips on my coke with no ice. It was a wonderful meal then ended as it should, with that one final pull of beverage through the straw that has at least 3 full sips in it to ensure the full experience is felt...1 or 2 is simply not enough.

Discuss.

I just got such an urge to eat a semi sweet chocolate chip morsel.

So I scurried over to the kitchen cabinet and low and behold there was a bag full of the tasty little beauties!

I partook in about 20 of those suckers and then closed the bag, put it away and came back into my office...

Just before I was going to sit back down another urge jolted through my body...

I had to have at least 2 more morsels...

I went back into the kitchen, had 4 more morsels and now I am satisfied!!!



(The strawberry in the photo is just a visual vehicle for the chocoloate chips that I have just posted about).

STOP BEING COLD ALREADY!

Its downright blustery!

Humans should not have to live in this obscene cold.

I want 75 degrees and umbrella drinks goddamnit.

The weather man just explained how frost bite can set in within 30 minutes at these temperatures.

Can anyone say long johns?

9 out of 10 dogs prefer JIF brand peanut butter!

The other 1 prefers SKIPPY.

Trying to get into my car I stepped into the biggest fuckin' pile of slosh!

I had no idea the snow was that deep there...Went in all the way up to my mid-ankles.

Needless to say I had:

Anyone else ever eat Sour cream and nut loaf?

Good lord its a truly wonderful loaf cake!

So, Vinny, my landlord got hit with a fuckin' building inspection out of the blue. So they rang my fuckin' bell and woke my ass up!

I had to put together my ensemble very quickly so of course I took my green golf pants and then selected my short sleeve hawaiian shirt. I ran downstairs opened the door up to the deep freeze and the inspectors. Needless to say they were quite intrigued with my appearance, especially in these sub-zero temperatures :)

I love tropical weather so much :)

Just woke up a few minutes ago...

My throat feels like a mack truck has parked inside it.

Time for a spot of TEA and SCRUMPETS!

Word.

All joking aside this was truly fucked up.

Anyone who okayed this song being played should be put in jail for a decent length.

I have gotten many emails praising what I am doing with the blog! I appreciate all of the positive responses! I will always be here doing this shit.

I fuckin' love blog.

I would like for some of you to give me topics. Im going to start blogging about topics you give me a few times a week.

Ask me anything. I shall blog about it.

Just watch :)

Comment below OR simply email me - blogsmack@gmail.com

I look forward to this.

-Sam :)

I cannot fucking believe the amount of garbage and true STANK in the New York City train stations.

I had a meeting in downtown NYC this morning. Every station I was in had huge piles of trash and just permeated a warm, disgusting, vomitous foul stench.

CLEAN IT UP FOLKS! JESUS H. CHRIST!

Where are the clean train stations?

Holy snow shit batman! You simply have no chance to dig your car out of the snow today. UNLESS you...

1. Hire a team of at least 6 eskimoes.

2. Find them on way-out-in-the-fuckin'-arctic.craigslist.org.

3. Fly them in from the Arctic via QANTAS.

4. Ensure their trasport from the airport to the snow effected area that concerns you via black stretch lincoln limo.

5. Rent a snow plow from a local eskimo sno plow rental dealer.

6. Have the head eskimo eat a sandwich.

7. He then deserves pie for struggle!

8. Have the other 5 eskimoes pile into the snow plow, thus setting the guinness world record for number of eskimoes smooshed into a regulation size snow plow.

9. Have the 5 eskimoes step on the gas pedal after starting up said plow.

10. Have the 5 eskimoes plow that snow.

11. Pay the 5 eskimoes who plowed in fish.

12. Ask the 6th eskimo if he wants to stay until next year.

That is the only option for todays snow removal around my car.

Do you have any alternatives for the snow removal that is completely covering my car?

Thank you for your support (In a Bartles & James voice).

Email me if you do not know who Bartles & James are.

Again, thanks.

Weeeez gonnna build a SNOWMAN! Or maybe a SNOW DOG!

Anyone ever build a true snowman? Tell me about it :)

This is my only fuckin' option for golf these days :(

I did manage to play 2 weeks ago when it was 61 degrees in New York City. It is about -2 out now and something like 20 inches are coming.

SNOW GOLF!



Let's go.

Do you think taking the drug ecstasy can help ease the debilitating anxiety that cancer patients feel as they face their final days?

The FDA is checkin' it out.

It would seem Mr. Potato Head has met his maker!

The force is with this toy!

Snoop should make a Mr. Po-Shizzle-Head.

So I just ate the Belgian Waffle, Turkey Bacon Lunch!

I had been craving it since late last night. KRUSTEEZ belgian waffle mix and Louis Rich Turkey Bacon. I hate turkey bacon. This fuckin' turkey bacon is from a different planet of turkey bacon. Like from the fuckin' planet "This ain't yo momma's turkey bacon planet." Go to the Wegman's nearest you and buy 2 or 3 packages of the stuff.

Serious!

Actual photo of my Belgian Waffle Making Device!



Actual photo of my lunch!



It's that serious!

Look it's the RODNEY DANGERFIELD HUMPTY DUMPTY egg!

Oh GOD, Yes!

It don't get no resp'eggt.

If you really think about it, it's pretty fuckin' hard on your throat to drink soda.

I love soda (or POP as they say in other parts of the US). Most people truly enjoy soda.

Why do we love drinking something that burns the throat so much?

I'm actually not sure. What do you people think about soda in general? Why do we deal with it's burning down the throat with such enjoyment?

Has anyone else had that first sip of 7-UP and you almost choke because of the fiery bubble factor going down the esophagus? I want to hear about your soda trauma!

I just opened my window to get some cool air and was blindsided by the OBSCENE FRIGIDITY!

The window is now closed.

Goddamn fucking HALOSCAN.com! All of the comments vanished and I was unable to post until right now!

I thought their software looked cool so I tried to use it. BIG MISTAKE! They have an AUTOLOAD feature which basically removes/hides all of the comments of a blog and replaces it with HALOSCAN's proprietary commenting tool. I apologize for the comments being down, it will not happen again or I will beat myself with my own stick (and then post video of me doing said activity.)

No matter how busy work gets today, I will get a hair cut. FINALLY!

It almost looks this nasty. This is the longest I have gone without a hair cut since 1999.

Maybe underneath the layers of hair there is a buried treasure.

And maybe underneath the other side there is a treasure map.

Maybe, after the haircut I will find the buried treasure of Lichtenburg hiding all these years in my scalp.