So, Vinny, my landlord got hit with a fuckin' building inspection out of the blue. So they rang my fuckin' bell and woke my ass up!

I had to put together my ensemble very quickly so of course I took my green golf pants and then selected my short sleeve hawaiian shirt. I ran downstairs opened the door up to the deep freeze and the inspectors. Needless to say they were quite intrigued with my appearance, especially in these sub-zero temperatures :)

I love tropical weather so much :)

Just woke up a few minutes ago...

My throat feels like a mack truck has parked inside it.

Time for a spot of TEA and SCRUMPETS!

Word.

All joking aside this was truly fucked up.

Anyone who okayed this song being played should be put in jail for a decent length.

I have gotten many emails praising what I am doing with the blog! I appreciate all of the positive responses! I will always be here doing this shit.

I fuckin' love blog.

I would like for some of you to give me topics. Im going to start blogging about topics you give me a few times a week.

Ask me anything. I shall blog about it.

Just watch :)

Comment below OR simply email me - blogsmack@gmail.com

I look forward to this.

-Sam :)

I cannot fucking believe the amount of garbage and true STANK in the New York City train stations.

I had a meeting in downtown NYC this morning. Every station I was in had huge piles of trash and just permeated a warm, disgusting, vomitous foul stench.

CLEAN IT UP FOLKS! JESUS H. CHRIST!

Where are the clean train stations?

Holy snow shit batman! You simply have no chance to dig your car out of the snow today. UNLESS you...

1. Hire a team of at least 6 eskimoes.

2. Find them on way-out-in-the-fuckin'-arctic.craigslist.org.

3. Fly them in from the Arctic via QANTAS.

4. Ensure their trasport from the airport to the snow effected area that concerns you via black stretch lincoln limo.

5. Rent a snow plow from a local eskimo sno plow rental dealer.

6. Have the head eskimo eat a sandwich.

7. He then deserves pie for struggle!

8. Have the other 5 eskimoes pile into the snow plow, thus setting the guinness world record for number of eskimoes smooshed into a regulation size snow plow.

9. Have the 5 eskimoes step on the gas pedal after starting up said plow.

10. Have the 5 eskimoes plow that snow.

11. Pay the 5 eskimoes who plowed in fish.

12. Ask the 6th eskimo if he wants to stay until next year.

That is the only option for todays snow removal around my car.

Do you have any alternatives for the snow removal that is completely covering my car?

Thank you for your support (In a Bartles & James voice).

Email me if you do not know who Bartles & James are.

Again, thanks.

Weeeez gonnna build a SNOWMAN! Or maybe a SNOW DOG!

Anyone ever build a true snowman? Tell me about it :)

This is my only fuckin' option for golf these days :(

I did manage to play 2 weeks ago when it was 61 degrees in New York City. It is about -2 out now and something like 20 inches are coming.

SNOW GOLF!



Let's go.

Do you think taking the drug ecstasy can help ease the debilitating anxiety that cancer patients feel as they face their final days?

The FDA is checkin' it out.

It would seem Mr. Potato Head has met his maker!

The force is with this toy!

Snoop should make a Mr. Po-Shizzle-Head.

So I just ate the Belgian Waffle, Turkey Bacon Lunch!

I had been craving it since late last night. KRUSTEEZ belgian waffle mix and Louis Rich Turkey Bacon. I hate turkey bacon. This fuckin' turkey bacon is from a different planet of turkey bacon. Like from the fuckin' planet "This ain't yo momma's turkey bacon planet." Go to the Wegman's nearest you and buy 2 or 3 packages of the stuff.

Serious!

Actual photo of my Belgian Waffle Making Device!



Actual photo of my lunch!



It's that serious!

Look it's the RODNEY DANGERFIELD HUMPTY DUMPTY egg!

Oh GOD, Yes!

It don't get no resp'eggt.

If you really think about it, it's pretty fuckin' hard on your throat to drink soda.

I love soda (or POP as they say in other parts of the US). Most people truly enjoy soda.

Why do we love drinking something that burns the throat so much?

I'm actually not sure. What do you people think about soda in general? Why do we deal with it's burning down the throat with such enjoyment?

Has anyone else had that first sip of 7-UP and you almost choke because of the fiery bubble factor going down the esophagus? I want to hear about your soda trauma!

I just opened my window to get some cool air and was blindsided by the OBSCENE FRIGIDITY!

The window is now closed.

Goddamn fucking HALOSCAN.com! All of the comments vanished and I was unable to post until right now!

I thought their software looked cool so I tried to use it. BIG MISTAKE! They have an AUTOLOAD feature which basically removes/hides all of the comments of a blog and replaces it with HALOSCAN's proprietary commenting tool. I apologize for the comments being down, it will not happen again or I will beat myself with my own stick (and then post video of me doing said activity.)

No matter how busy work gets today, I will get a hair cut. FINALLY!

It almost looks this nasty. This is the longest I have gone without a hair cut since 1999.

Maybe underneath the layers of hair there is a buried treasure.

And maybe underneath the other side there is a treasure map.

Maybe, after the haircut I will find the buried treasure of Lichtenburg hiding all these years in my scalp.

I cannot wait to have my own home complete with fuckin' big back yard, 2 car garage, fireplace, fuckin' jacuzzi and...

my own personal mailbox with that little fuckin' lever thing that lets the mail-person know when there is something (in a Stewie from family guy voice) in the diaper!

Here's to buying a house in 2007'ish.

(Glass raised, who is toasting with me w00t!)

3000th hit in less then 2 weeks! That deserves a dancing SPIDER MAN!

Thank you all for visiting me. Look for daily updated content and overall fun for years to come.

I love blogging goddamnit!

3 Cheers to blog.

Blog. Blog. Blog.

I want to shoot blog into my veins and snort blog.

So today we are taking a mini road trip to Philadelphia, PA - For the ALL American Food/ALL American Movie Experience!!! YeeHaw!!! and Wheeee!!!

For no reason I will begin this with a RUN ON SENTENCE...

My wife and I have been watching this show on the FOOD NETWORK called UNWRAPPED hosted by the OBSCENELY-OVER-NICE-AND-HOMELY Marc Summers, the dude who used to host everyones favorite LAUNCH green slop at your mom, jump through a mouth of vomitous dung, then down the slide to win the new casio in 60 seconds or less game show on NICKELODEON, DOUBLE DARE! You know it. I know you know what I'm tawkin' bout...

Anyhow, on UNWRAPPED with Marc Summers, (from Nickelodeon DOUBLE DARE), they often showcase exciting places in the USA to visit.

Places like NIFTY FIFTY's in good ol' PA!

So, we are off to partake in obscene amounts of carbonated water (soda) with unique, tasty syrups and the over-all 50's style.

I will order:

1 American cheeseburger.
1 French fries.
5 Sodas, all with varying syrups.
1 Warmed up apple pie a-la-mode (vanilla chocolate chip) with whipped cream.

I am very much hoping to see some form of waitperson on rollerskates fall down with at least 6 drinks going down with them, preferably onto a large, surly man named Pablo, who takes offence!

Actually, I hope nothin' happens except good times all around for everybody. :D

After the NIFTY FIFTY we are shooting over to the steps where ROCKY was filmed so we can PUKE incessantly after I BEAT my wife.........

BEAT her up the steps that is, by running at an incredible rate, thusly passing her and onto the summit. Where...

(In a Stewie from family guy voice).


VICTORY IS MINE!

How many years until we are just completely taken over by computer chips?

Where else can they put computer chips to further enhance human lazyness?

Anyone have any quality suggestions? Or shitty suggestions are also allowed on this blog, feel free to go nuts!



Here is the article that spawned this post:

Motorola on Friday announced a joint venture with eyewear maker Oakley Inc. to develop new Bluetooth-enabled wearable wireless communications devices.

Motorola said it is working with Oakley to combine its Bluetooth technology, which allows devices to communicate with each other without a physical wire connection, with Oakley's eyewear concepts.

It said details and designs will be unveiled by the middle of the year.